Salmon and Solitude = Happiness

I just watched "The Dark Knight" for the second time - makes me want to watch V for Vendetta again - and find myself really intrigued by the quotation:

"You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain."

It may be a bit pessimistic but nonetheless I liked it and has some validity in  the constant flux of power that we see today in all arenas. Human nature is fickle. And it must be realised that even villains die - and to someone they are a hero. Every hero needs a nemisis. The concept of hero/villain may even be flawed (at least in a a

bsolute fashion). Robin Hood - Hero or Villain?

This is the problem with travelling on your own. You have too much time to think and you start to go loopy and thinking about things in way to much depth and in some ways almost lose sight of reality. Some may say that this is a good thing. But I think that there is a healthy limit to thinking and particularly self-analysis. There is a point at which it becomes destructive not because of the critique itself but becasue of how the critique comes about. It happens in a non-reality. You begin assessing yourself with respect to a particular context which you have completely removed yourself. So have you lost sight of the very thing that you are critiquing? Perspective is good. And it is good to detach yourself from the minutiae of life but I wonder if too much removal become fruitless because the very thing that you 

are critiquing in a sense fails to exist anymore. Or you start critquing things that would not actually be an issue if you put yourself back in 'reality'. Maybe that is why it is the pursuit of happiness that we ache for not the actualisation of happiness. What would we do if we actually got there? Pack up camp. 

This brings me to another thought. In a world of free thought and theoretically unlimited possibilities to advance ourselves why do we dream so small and live in doubt? Instead of opening doors we seem to dream of them and quietly close them when we abruptly awake. How much should we listen to society around us - do we ignore the marketing or do we accept it? Do we live with it/coexist? Perhaps we can either choose to accept or rej

ect commercialism/marketing influences and then we have the choice to either indulge in that choice and then we have the further choice to be happy or sad about that. I.e. don't reject marketing and chose to indulge in that philosophy and be bitter about it. It's your choice to be happy. Damn I have spent way too much time alone in museums this week. Going coo-coo. 

I have just been going through one of those 'what is you favourite movie/musical artist? and must have an answer ready' moment. And coincidently two of my favourite films also include some of my favourite musical and lyrical moments: The film 'Once' for which Glen Hansard from The Frames acts and sings and the other is As it is in Heaven (Swedish). Glen Hansard is great: raw and captures a desperation for love that I think many would understand. And the other film (longest running film in Oz!) is simply beautiful. 

I am currently at a cafe. Indulging for what feels like the first time in a little while. I have turned my back on the galleries and museums and decided that no guilt can come from doing what you really want to do. So right now I am doing just that: scoffing (like an English aristocrat - NOT) on my salmon and olive panini and sipping on my blueberry smoothy and inhaling my massive cappacino. It feels great! I have my laptop to dick around on and my book to soak up the remains. This book likes to mock me I feel... Holds mirrors to me. I still think my tombstone should read '...in pursuit of a resume...' 

I will try and complete that in the next week in my villa in Tuscany... That doesn't sound too horrible now does it?

Wow seeing easter eggs and Valantine shit everywhere... gimme gimme! Far Out! 

Pea and Ham Pasta

I was in Oxford recently and as I was waiting for some new friends that I had never met and so I waited in Blackwell’s Bookshop and stumbled across this recipe: I admit that I have never made it and that I may have completely forgotten the actual recipe. I also think the blurb mentioned that the dish is more about peas than it is pasta – so bare that in mind.

 

But if inspiration breeds creativity then a few words are all you need.

 

• Slug of oil.
• One onion

Diced, perhaps finely if memory serves me well… now from here on in is where the rest of the recipe gets a little hazy…hehe.

• 200 – 400g the best ham you can afford.

I would imagine that off the bone would be best… but as I said… no idea… just don’t use spam… as it has more application at a building site than in a kitchen (or in Nana’s bin – we didn’t mean to hurt her feelings).

• 600 – 800g frozen peas or canned…whatever Trevor.

Having said that I would expect a very different taste depending on which you use.

• 200ml white wine.

Make sure that it is drinkable. I imagine a dry white or sav blanc… not riesling or a sweet one.

• 200ml chicken or vege stock… ok now I am making shit up… but it could still be faithful to the recipe.

Try it! Either use stock cubes and follow instructions or use pre-made tetra-pak stuff.

• Perhaps 200g of pasta… we’ll see…
• Pretty certain that a handful of mint comes in at this point too!

 

Now for the fun part (esp. when you have no idea what your ingredients are supposed to be and have never made it before in your life).

 

1. Heat the oil over a mid-high stove and brown/sauté the onion. Add the ham and slightly caramelise.
2. Add the wine and reduce to above half the volume – I totally made this bit up…
3. Add the peas and the stock and let that simmer too, letting the peas turn a bit mushy… whilst you…
4. Cook the pasta in a separate pot for 5 minute less than is recommended on the directions and then drain. Add to the pea mixture on the stove and cook for a further 5 min or until pasta is al dente… again I don’t really know if the pasta is supposed to soak up all the liquid or if there is supposed to be a jus type thing going on… but as long as it is flavourful I guess any liquid can’t hurt and if you need more liquid just add stock? Maybe question marks are not ideal in recipe writing?
5. Remove from the heat and fold through fresh mint (whole leaves or ripped). However I also thought that heat makes mint go black… so maybe do this at the very last minute.
6. Add salt and pepper to taste.
7. Serve with parmesan cheese and warm crusty bread.

 

Disclaimer: I have no idea. Sounds kinda fun though right? 

Tara's Black and White Photos from Heavenly and the ones we never paid for!

MB's Photos

I just received an email from Marybeth and it reminded me of some of the goodtimes we had in California/Nevada and Texas...

Australia Day

...ok... so Australia Day was a write off...not because I am a crazy wild drunken sex mink... but because I WAS a drunken crazy wild sex mink... no that's not true either. But I did have an awesome time in Oxford and did need some time to recover from 3 days of fun times in Oxford... so I spent Australia Day (official Australia Day - Sunday in London) horizontal sleeping for all but 2 hours of it cause I felt so damn exhausted and like the Black Plague had paid a visit. But in true style I did go to a pub with Karen for those 2 hours and then curled up to watch Friends, 27 Dresses at 4:30pm that afternoon and asleep by 7:30ish. Well done you!!!

But thanks to night sweats and a good night's sleep I was up an'at'em at 7am this morning... in pursuit of unravelling t

he mystery of Stonehenge. I headed to Bath, Stonehenge and Salsibury for the day with an old friend who has recently entered my life again... Nyssa. She was travelling with 3 of her girlfriends and I decided to join them on this day trip. I had an awesome time. Bath was beautiful. I wish I could have spent 3 days there... well I could have... but I am on strick ration control...Similar to Oxford in a way. Similar vibe perhaps?

Stonehenge at first glimpse was nothing like I expected. In true Jenna-style I had no idea where in England Stonehenge was. I assumsed that there would be a sunset??? Why?  Well why the hell not? Even at 1:30pm? Yes! Stonehenge = God reaching down at sunset... Well to my surprise at 1:30pm on an overcast day there was not a sunset and nor was there a cliff over looking the ocean. Much like the one in the 3 Musketeers where Sabine jumps off the cliff. Why? Well why the hell not? All the postcards, calenders, pictures you ever see make you believe that a) the sun is a continual state of setting and b) an ocean in just out of view.

To put you out of misery (if you have not been) it is not in a perennial state of sun-setting nor is it anywhere near an ocean. If you had looked at a map this may have been obvious. As it would appear, I had not. So at first, when the bus drove towards the Henge I was a little underwhelmed... I here you saying..."Jesus, what more do you want?" But when I actually walked around the structure it was purely, simply and quietly a breathtaking structure. Despite the other tourists wandering about there was an incredible silence yet incredible presence about the entirety of not only the structure but the space in which surrounded. 

It was strange to see it within 1 metre of a bitumen road. A horrible mix of modernity and history - maybe it shows how values change? And as Bill Heslop would say: you can't stop progress...(???) It was sad (yet in a way understandable) too see that people used to hire picks and chisel off there own piece as a soveigner. It is no different to Ayers Rock. Does it often take the destruction of something to realise worth?

We then headed to Salisbury which was a great surprise for several reasons: 1) I didn't know that was part of the tour 2) didn't know what/where/who/why/what it was 3) didn't know that only one of 4 original Magna Cartas resided at the Cathedral in Salisbury (which also has the tallest spire in Europe). So all in all that was an incredible experience (and there was a beautiful rainbow after the rain wilted away).  Unfortunately my camera died at this point. It was amazing to understand the Magna Carta and to see a copy of the original from 1215 and to realise that one of the most recent Magna Cartas from 1297 is in Canberra, NSW. 

I had a great chat with my friend Nyssa the whole way home to London; exhausted but had a great day. I then met Karen at the Wheatsheaf at Parson's Green and then went to 'Tapas for a Tenner' in Fulham Broadway (near Cafe Del Aziz) where all you can eat tapas can never be a bad thing! After a bottle of red there could not have been a better way to end the night. Although having just said that I naturally tried to think of a better way to end my night: several options came to mind - the Cadbury Creme Egg that sits patiently in my handbag is a close second. 

xx Jenn

Book Recommended: The Tyrannicide Brief

Youtube: The Jayhawks - All The Right Reasons

Recipe: Scallops Seared in Oil - Thanks to Henry Foster - New York 

sea scallops seared in oil

4:50pmJenna

yeah and... details mr!!!

4:50pmHenry

after scallops are tossed in flour first

4:50pmJenna

yo

4:50pmHenry

then drain oil and but 3 tablespoons of butter, a bunch of parsley and juice from half a lemon

4:51pmJenna

sweet easy as!

4:51pmHenry

add salt/pepper for flavour and then serve with the scallops

soooo good

im amazing

Mmmm...Bop

Clockwise: Me at a pub, Gypsies, Oxford Canal Walk, Sam at a pub

I have just returned from Oxford... It took me 3 hours to write that sentence...Not because I am retarded but because I got distracted by a wonderful dinner prepared by my friend Karen and her lovely boyfriend Nick: Crusty bread, homemade spelt bread (amazing AND with sultanas!), 

Insert 20 min interlude... drunk flatmates and other squatters just got home and I cleaned my teeth and discovered that my blonde catfish whiskers are not exactly blonde and indeed longer than any lady should allow... but if I interfer with nature as I did with my snail trail at the age of 15 then I will only make it worse... argh... There are lots of drunks walking home; pre-emptive Australia Day Celebrations - the only thing Aussies don't procrastinate about: Practicing patriotic events involving booze in foreign countries and making twats of themselves.

Ok, so dinner: olives with anchovies, feta-esque cheese, fresh tomatoes, hommus and sundried tomatoes (and a Cadbury Creme Egg as my after diiner treat!). It was awesome but the problem with self-constructed and self-administered canape dinner is that you never know when to stop until it is too late. And then you have to make room for the creme egg! But that is where the dessert stomach comes in :) 

I have (not just) returned from Oxford... Amazing college grounds and walks that roll under foot; hoping too never end (unless you go for a job at dusk and get lost in a paddock, nearly fall through a cattle grate, and freak out when you realise that Gypsies are real and the little boats are not just 'cute little pictures'. Thay are so awesome except when you get lost and feel like you may get stabbed and have a bung achillies tendon. I had an amazing time with my college friend Sammy and I had a great time at the Bop last night - not as much as other's. Some people got right into the pink (see below)!

YouTube Highlights: 

Gavin McGraw - Follow Through

Quote of the Day: Times are different and different times have different requirements - Kierkegaard

Google highlight: 

Discovering Google Chrome and stumbling across Wordsworth's Tintern Abbey - 

In hours of weariness, sensations sweet,

Felt in the blood, and felt along the heart;
And passing even into my purer mind,
With tranquil restoration: -- feelings too
Of unremembered pleasure: such, perhaps,
As have no slight or trivial influence
On that best portion of a good man's life,
His little, nameless, unremembered, acts
Of kindness and of love. Nor less, I trust,
To them I may have owed another gift,
Of aspect more sublime; that blessed mood,
In which the burthen of the mystery,
In which the heavy and the weary weight
Of all this unintelligible world,
Is lightened: -- that serene and blessed mood,
In which the affections gently lead us on, -- 
Until, the breath of this corporeal frame
And even the motion of our human blood
Almost suspended, we are laid asleep
In body, and become a living soul:
While with an eye made quiet by the power
Of harmony, and the deep power of joy,
We see into the life of things.

The Pink Bop!

Oxford No.2

Last night Sam and I went to one of his formal dinners which was fun. Made more fun by the fact that because they had allocated seating for one less then was there we got to sit on the High Table. Very amusing. Being an anonymous person, it was fun to pretend that somehow I was some crazy academic fellow. Intrigue and mystery.

We then went back to the common room where all the MCR students hang out and hit the bar up. Sweet deal! Most drinks under £1. Um...Awesome. Had a really good time gossiping with the girls. Gender definietly transcends oceans! Bit tipsy but home by middnight just like Cinderella. 

This morning we intended to go to Blenheim Palace where Churchill grew up but the weather was a bit off and the Palace was closed andonly the grounds open. So instead we wandered around a few colleges. Worcester was very impressive and then we wandered through Oxford Park and sat on a bench and attempted to read the paper in the 'crisp' yet 'sunny' weather. 

We headed to lunch with 4 of Sam's friends that were all from Australia. We had lunch at Exetor College. Memories of Eurest come haunting back. But bulk food is always better when you don't have to eat it every day. Was good to eat. Looked around the grounds which were cool as it overlooks Radcliff Square.

This afternoon I headed to thh gym with one of Sam's friends Holly who is just lovely! and I have just had a bath and chilled out since. Heading out to a Bop tonight with a Pink theme.Not sure how well I will be able to satisfy the theme... but nice people will be there. Have had a wonderful time here in Oxford. Beautiful town with a small town feel.

Jender

Oxford - England January 2009

Arrived: Midday Wednesday 21st 

Sammy and I walked around some of the colleges perving on the courtyards that so grandly watch over the halls. Incredible buildings and beautifully simple gardens. Later that night we went to a Farewell for one of Sam's fellow Pembrokians. It was really fun and it was nice to linger in anonymity once again and gradually watch myself come to life. Wine in plastic cups and travel stories and ranting about the psychology behind WWII is always a good way to impress people! Being the expert that I am. It was really fun. I remember going to the bathroom and walking past Sam with a massive grin on my face. It was nice to have such an honest smile on my face.

Today I wandered aroound a little meandering track out the back of Christ Church (where Harry Potter was filmed) and then wandered past Magdelen (sp?) college and small rivers and bridges. Then I found Blackwell's bookshop and spent hours sitting down flicking through some books, reading my latest book (which feels like I am holding a premature mirror to my face) and drawing somerough sketches whilst sipping coffee. I overhearda fath telling is son that eveytime someone 'googles' something the same amount of energy to make a cup of tea is expended. I am not sure which variables they are taking into account. I guess the constant running of google divided by the hits per day...not sure... but interesting little piece of thought. I then got myself lost amongst the alleys looking for some bread... but not that lost because I found bread and found myself back home eventually. Now I am going to go for a run. If I write it done it may happen! and then Sam and I are going to a formal dinner but not before some port, sherry and cheese.

Thankyou Big Sis

I just wanted to let my big sister know that I miss her and that I will never forget what she gave me, taught me, helped me through, laughed at/with me about. The are so many wonderful memories that we shared. This is us after Thanksgiving. This will always be a great memory and a wonderful story.

Jender

Chips and Oranges

Chips and oranges

One etched in black and white stripes. Hugged against the doorway.
Another opposite leaned, yellowed against the balcony.
An orange balances in his hand.
Chip-handed and reaching for more.
He scratches his ears, as they pricked by gossip.
His eyes wince in the sun’s shadow.
Laughter shakes his head and reaches for more.

Like years lost they are boys again, ageless and faceless.
Cropped by sunning hair, their pale faces.
These are the men that I live with.
The young men who I now call family.
They are the ones that I have loved and love again.
He tilts the chips, a simple gesture,
no matter how full the packet.

...

I wrote this in 2003 also about the boys that I lived with at New College. I was sitting on the balcony outside 3AB on a sunny afternoon watching them all.

Quid Pro Quo

Quid Pro Quo

There was a neat pride in the way that he talked.
But humbled, like the moon crossing - a tree’s shadow.
He would hold a conversation
The way my girlfriends’ winking wine would not.
He was older,
But not in a way that overdressed the milkiness of salad
He was older,
In a way that time affected
but not the makeup clothed upon the mind.

...

I wrote this in the summer of 2003. Amazing how time passes.

Paris and Boston

Paris 2009 - To give a love, you gotta live a love. To live a love, you gotta be "part of". When will I see you again? - Neil Young Paris 2009
Boston Harvard 2009
Rodin - The Kiss - Paris 2009
Paris 2009 - “One’s real life is often the life that one does not lead” - Oscar Wilde

Cafe Del'Aziz - The beginning often comes last

3pm Del'Aziz Fulham Broadway

It doesn't really matter where you go in the world; the human condition seems to follow a similar pursuit...

I sat at a cafe today - possibly one of the most impressive cafes I've seen (even if the coffee wasn't as awesome as Australian coffee). I would take inspiration to design a wine bar in a heart beat.

[Someone told me last night that I had clearly never really done what I'd wanted. I said I didn't want to turn my passion into work... that I wanted to keep work and passion separate. They said I was playing it safe. I said I never wanted to make my passion into work. That somehow that doing that would taint my passion. They said I was scared to follow my dreams. I think that there may be a mirror in front of me now.]

If you keep a dream a dream you can never fail but you also never know if you could have reached nirvana. I have somehow convinced myself that I was following my dream; I have now realised that this is/was indeed a fallacy. I have played it safe. I want to change; I feel stuck.

William: If you read this: do you wnat to go into business with me. Come to Sydney - and let's be happy!

I should give it a year or two? - Whilst youth is on my side and passers-by still hold their gaze. Why have I been so passive about something that I have wanted for as long as I can remember? Why have I been ashamed to think that seeing people smile is not a worthy career? Ashamed maybe isn't the right word. It's not about serving drinks... It's about diving in head first (after testing the depth) and honestly feeling like you 'get it'.

I am not an idiot but I am also not destined for academia. I could be. I can do it. I know that. Yet it doesn't come naturally - well maybe that's not true either: if you can be as lazy as me and do what I do then there must be something unravelling and ticking upstairs.

If someone gets infinite pleasure from slicing peppers and doesn't slice peppers because they are scared/ashamed/intimidated; then whose the idiot? If you squeeze a lemon don't expect apple juice... If someone asked me why I wanted to be a lawyer I could give a good answer: freedom to travel, order, control, job security???, academic evolution... I could convince you... I think.

If someone asked me why I wanted to own a wine bar (insert related concept here) I wouldn't nee dto give a good answer: I just feel it. I love food, people, wine, entertaining, success, personal success, family, laughter... travel, job security, evolution... If you want it, you can have. As Dad always said: if you love something you will spend time with it. I believe this whole heartedly yet fail to practice this!

I don't feel a need to justify it. I don't need your approval. It makes me glow: inside and out. I want those I love to stand by me. As they always have.

Anyway, I digress: the human condition; the human endeavour... So I am sitting here at this cafe and happen to sit across from two obviously well-to-do Australian girls... thay talk about travels, boyfriends, interview processes [the STAR method], the flight back home, how strange it is to travel to the other side of the world and run into other Australians. When you think about it, it's not that strange. And really it's just heuristics. If you didn't run into them you wouldn't know...

It's easy to promote something when you believe it. Especially yourself: even without words. Honesty speaks for itself. I head to Oxford tomorrow to see Sammy. It has been months since I have seen him and it will be good to catch up. I will sign off my saying that the staff at Del'Aziz are beautiful and it is this cafe that made me nearly cry [for real] as it made me see what I really want. Now I need to figure out how to get it.

p.s. I am still enrolled in Law School and still find pleasure in it. Hehehe. Just gotta start thinking smart. I know that this is a very self indulged post and quite myopic in outlook but I do think that only when we feel we are pursuing happiness and feeling well can we honestly give to others and look for greater gains. Maybe it's a symbyotic relationship?

Love Jender

Salmon Bruschetta

This is pretty awesome considering we thought there was 'no food in the fridge' at the time...

Brushing in thought – crazy – when time was not mine – I want to hold on and make the sun never come. But only in the rising will value be found. The reality of an eternity kills all desire. And makes us worthless. To watch the sun run will bring a dense warmth upon me – making me realise in my milky sleepy dew I will wake up beside myself for all the years to come and that I would rather a hazy memory of warmth and a chance of a life that may have been than to have left no mark at all.

Serves 2

All measures are approximate. Adjust to suit your tastes. Delicious snack or light dinner.

1 medium onion, finely diced
½ punnet of cherry tomatoes, halved or quartered
2 cloves garlic, finely sliced
2 Tbs olive oil
2-4 slices of sliced smoked salmon – in the deli section, sliced into strips
Approx. 10 basil leaves, ripped
Sour cream, to spread on sourdough
Salt and Pepper to taste
4 slices of sour dough/breadstick or something similar

Add oil, onion, garlic, tomatoes in a saucepan and light sauté, till the onion becomes transparent. Reduce heat. Add salmon and stir through the tomato mix till heated, add basil, salt and pepper and stir. Toast sourdough, spread with sour cream. Add salmon mixture on top.

Alternative Recipe

Make the salmon mixture as above. Instead of serving with sourdough, serve with pasta, a drizzle of olive oil and parmesan cheese.

Baked Vegetable Salad with Fetta

Serves 4

1 medium sweet potato, peeled and diced

4 medium potatoes, peeled and diced

½ kent pumpkin, diced, not necessary to remove skin

1 zucchini, sliced

1 red capsicum, sliced

1-2 onion, quartered

2 clove garlic, minced

Olive oil

Balsamic vinegar

Dry Mixed herbs

Salt & Pepper

1 packet baby spinach, washed

½ cup loosely packed basil, ripped

100g Danish or Australian Feta

Preheat oven to 200 deg. Dice vegetables so they are all similar sizes (approx. 1 x 2cm pieces). Place all vegetables, onion, garlic in a large baking tray, add oil and balsamic to coat the vegetables lightly. Sprinkle with dry herbs, salt & pepper. Roast in oven for 45-50 mins, turning serval times, or until cooked with crispy outside. In a large serving dish place the baby spinach then pile on the roast vegetables. Crumble feta over the top, add an extra dash or balsamic, if desired and then finish by garnishing with broken basil leaves.

Good as a vegetarian meal or an accompaniment.

Grapefruit Salad

...

The New Year comes quickly as the old year lingers on their lips – determined. In anticipation the New Year is expected to unfold in a day. Resemble the year ahead – rehearse – and hold tight the one that was.

Sydney and New Year can be equated with Sun, Sea, Friends and BBQs. And fresh fruit...

It all started with ‘no’. The fruit we eat only if we are told we cannot have it. But from such caution we initially succeed. But then the sap dries up – crystallised – swallows you whole and it no longer becomes a choice. You had seen me and I had seen you. Nothing but caution lies between us. Tonight I will not sleep alone.

...

2 Pink grape fruits

2 Oranges

Punnet strawberries

¼ cup hot water

2-3 Tbs caster sugar } caster sugar and vanilla can be substituted with vanilla sugar

Vanilla (essence or paste or pods)

4 Mint leaves

...

Peel grapefruits and oranges and slice thinly. Remove the tops of the strawberries. In a serving bowl layer the fruit. Melt sugar in hot water and add vanilla. Cool and then pour over fruit. If you have vanilla sugar, omit the water and sprinkle the vanilla sugar over the fruit. Refrigerate. Serve with mint ripped on top.

 

Coming and Going

Recipes and Resumes No.1

When setting on a journey there are very few certainties. One is that you know where you have been; this is not to say that we yet understand where that may have been. Setting out on this trip I knew that I was leaving home and for the first time I was travelling alone. It was amazing how quickly the feeling of being alone subsided. Awareness of self; however, ever present.